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The Amish want to heat your home

Posted in Home by Conner Flynn on September 7th, 2008

The Amish want to heat your homeI’m still not sure what to make of this, but apparently there is some new miracle heater called the Heat Surge. It’s Chinese technology that you just plug into any standard wall outlet. Supposedly it only uses about as much energy to run, as a standard coffee maker, but will produce 5,119 BTU’s as on-board heat turbine silently forces hot air out into the room so you feel heat instantly. It has a UL listing and everything. Even if all that is true, the odd part is that those anti-tech, iPhone shunning Amish are busy as Christmas elves building mantles for these heaters, trying to keep up with demand so that customers can get their new fake fireplace before Christmas. If you ordered a mantle in the last 48 hours, the heater was thrown in for free. But now it will cost you from $249.00 to $337.00.

This is all centered around the Heat Surge Roll-N-Glow fireplace that actally rolls from room to room. How the Amish got involved in this I have no idea, but I do know that as they slave away on fireplace mantles, barns are going un-built, shunnings and exiles seem few and far between. What’s next? Will they trade in the horse and buggy for a Model T? It all seems like some sci-fi plot, where huge events are foreshadowed by strange behavior. What are they really doing? What happens when we take these heaters into our homes? Could this be the long dreaded Amish invasion that some of us have feared, where they turn the tables and take our technology, leaving us to plow fields and milk cows? Will I punished by our new masters for writing this? Probably not, since they have no internetz. Still I’m growing an old man beard and wearing plain clothes…just in case.